By Michael C. Selbst, Ph.D., BCBA-D
Executive Director, Behavior Therapy Associates
“I’m worried that my friends, family members, neighbors, co-workers, and I will get sick.”
“How can we get tested and get the medical attention we need?”
“What are we going to do now that we can’t go out?”
“I don’t know when I can go back to work.”
“How can I help my kids complete their online classes?”
“Will we have enough food and supplies?”
“How can I juggle all of this and remain calm?”
During this very difficult time, it is easy to notice an increased level of stress and anxiety. Noticing and managing one’s stress are important for self-care and living life more fully. First, it is important to recognize that stress is a part of life, and that during significant global events like we are experiencing, a significant increase in stress seems to become the “new normal.” Attempts to try to eliminate such stress often result in even greater stress, leading to anxiety. Then, we get anxious about getting anxious. This is a disheartening loop from which to escape.
We eventually realize that our solutions to eliminate stress (excessive worry, complaining, getting angry) now become another problem to solve. This can exacerbate the very beast we are trying to tame in the first place.
Instead of focusing on self-care, we incorrectly focus on trying to keep digging and digging within the hole we have found ourselves, thinking somehow we will eventually get out of the hole. We need to stop “struggling” with the stress and take active steps to do something different, something aligned with who and what we care about. This includes steps to care for yourself.
“Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean me first, it means me too” (L.R. Knost). In order to practice self-care, there needs to be present moment awareness of stress and fatigue levels, as well as personal accountability that previous efforts have not worked effectively. Self-care practices may include mindful eating, exercising, connecting with others in your family, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, planning and committing time for meaningful leisure activities, and increasing vitality. This can be more challenging during these times of social distancing. Yet, that becomes just another thought to notice. That is, “My mind is telling me it’s difficult to take time for myself during these tough times.”
It is important to create a Self-Care Plan to commit time to your physical, social, emotional, and professional well-being. This includes setting aside specific time to exercise, connect with others (in the house, via phone, text, social media, or video call), relax, consult with others related to work issues, etc. It is critical to schedule these self-care events and to commit to them as if they were the most important “appointment” you have scheduled that day. You may notice “stinking thinking” that shows up like “I want to work out but I’m so tired and stressed.” Replace this with “I want to work out even though I feel tired” and then GO and work out.
Many people find that keeping a Thought Diary / Journal is helpful. This may include writing down one’s thoughts and feelings about the day. It is important to notice and accept your thoughts and feelings for what they are, rather than question, challenge, or try to change them or minimize them. You might tell yourself, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…”, or “Thanks mind for telling me.” This changes the relationship you have with your thoughts and feelings, allowing you to “lead” your mind where you want to go (toward self-care), instead of allowing your mind to take you where it wants to go.
Most importantly, take time for yourself. You deserve it and you will be in a much healthier position to help and care for others. Please be healthy, safe, and kind to yourself and those around you.
Please note that Behavior Therapy Associates is offering teletherapy as a convenient way to maintain social distancing and allow clients to receive needed services, including psychotherapy, psychological counseling, psychological coaching (sometimes referred to as executive coaching), and psychological consulting. This can be arranged easily by contacting our office at 732-873-1212 or info@BehaviorTherapyAssociates.com. For more information, visit https://behaviortherapyassociates.com
